Return
by Star1086
Summary: Roy's return to Scranton. And he's wants what's his. Jim/Pam;Roy. Graphic situations and language. Re-edited
1. Chapter 1

It can't be, it just couldn't be. Her inner monologue slipped through her mind like water trickling down a fall.

Her mind kept replaying the night's events like an old movie. "What was I thinking, telling Roy about Jim? was I crazy?" she thought to herself. Strangely, at the time she wasn't upset about the prospect of ruining her shattered relationship with the man she had spent the last 10 years of her life with. In fact, the moment that Pam confided in Roy that night, during the company casino party, she had never been more scared of Roy in her life.

Roy had always been an aggressive man, not never violent. Sure, he'd had his "fits", as she would call them; a temper tantrum that would leave an occasional plate smashed or a lamp shattered after a fight. He would get much more carried away with these fits when he was drinking. But never before had she feared for her own safety. Roy had never, ever hit her, no matter how angry or upset he was at her.

But this was different. The night that Pam confided in Roy that 1. She had kissed Jim, and 2. She may have had feelings for him, everything she thought about the boy that brought her orange flowers for their prom in high school changed.

"What, Jim came on to you?" There was a fire in his eyes when he spat that. Pam immediately regretted saying anything at all. "Just listen," she started.

"No, I am listening, that's the problem, I'm listening!" His eyes oozing a new shade of black.

"Don't yell," she pleaded, very aware of the camera crew at this point. "Don't yell.?" He challenged, glaring back at her. He picked up his empty glass and hurled it into the bar wall, shattering it against a mirror. "Oh God", Pam thought in a panic as she saw the man in front of her change into a stranger. A stranger whom she didn't recognize, frightened of him. She got up, dejected and humiliated, and started for the door. "This is over." She said to him in passing. She heard him scream back, "Yeah, your right, this is so over! You've got to be kidding me Pam!" And then she heard the crashing of chairs and glasses as Roy and is brother began to destroy the bar.

She half ran to her car, thankful she drove herself to try to put as much distance between herself and the man she left in the bar; she half expected Roy to chase after her in the parking lot.

When she was safely in her car, she could barely contain the sobs as they fought themselves from her chest. Ten years she had been with this man, the only man she had ever been with, and their relationship had shattered because she wanted a "fresh start". She told him the truth. Did she really think that he would have handled it any differently? What did she think was going to happen? He'd high Five her? "God, what a mess," She sobbed into her steering wheel. She wasn't crying for Roy though, or even for herself. She was crying because the man she had risked all this for was over her and with someone new. She ruined her only relationship, twice, because she couldn't be honest with herself from the beginning.

She had eventually pulled her car over so she could get herself under control. "Breathe, Pam, breathe." She kept repeating to herself, letting the sobs subside so she could regain her composure. She rifled through her purse and found her cell phone, flipping it open to find the contact name that would make everything better. The person she could confide this horrific event to, and to come clean with him. The only problem was that he was at a party with his new girlfriend. She had no one else to turn to, and she had never felt so alone….


	2. Chapter 2

That night was a frightening memory; one that made her stomach tense and her breath catch every time she thought about it. Still fresh in her mind even now. The worst part wasn't that night though, it was the next day. After she hadn't heard anything from Roy the entire night, she assumed he was either in jail or drunk somewhere. He'll sleep it off, she assumed, and they would take it from there. "One step at a time", she told herself.

But when she saw him walking through the office door, his eyes read and glassy and the fear from the night before returned. She thought he was there because of her, and she stared at him in disbelief. But she remembered her heart sinking when she realized it wasn't her he was staring at. "Hey Halpert!" He bellowed.

Roy's eyes caught hers in a silent challenge and moved to Jim's lanky torso as if he needed confirmation. Fear froze her to her seat. A thousand things swam in her head as Jim's eyes sought hers, and she screamed "He knows!" in a warning that never reached her lips. "Hey", Jim managed before Roy advance on him and all she could do was call Roy's name, as if that would stop him. She remembers the feeling of sick fear reaching up and clamping on her heart as Jim pushed Karen out of Roy's path as his hand balled into a fist . . .


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, so I have an idea about tonight. . .", Jim said, leaning over the counter of the reception desk as he stole a jelly bean, popping it into his mouth as he's done so many times before. He stared for a second, his slacked grin vanishing into concern once he realized Pam's face was a vacant stare.

"You okay?" His face dropped low so his eyes could meet hers. The sound of Jim's voice pulled Pam from her frightening daydream. "Oh," she looked up in a daze, meeting his gaze. "Yeah, sorry, just spacing out there for a second." Jim made a face, silently dissecting her, weighing the truth behind the words. She forced a smile to show him his concern wasn't warranted. He opened his mouth to say something when she cut him off, staring at the camera as it focused in on their conversation. "What were you saying?" She piped, just so he couldn't question the situation further.

He stared at her for a few seconds before his lopsided grin returned and he relaxed his stance to steal another jelly bean. "So I was thinking," he began again, "That tonight we could go see that new movie you've been talking about. You know George Clooney, whatever he does…" and contorted his face into a gimmicky smirk. Pam couldn't help but smile. It had been only two months since they started dating, but she still smiled to herself whenever she realized that he was hers. She felt a blush creep up her neck and into her cheeks. But as soon as she felt the giddy excitement, a sinking feeling pushed it back into her stomach. "Actually, I think I'd rather stay in tonight, watch a game or something". She didn't actually want to watch a game, she just wanted to be somewhere indoors. This caught Jim off guard as rolled his eyes into a mock concentration. "And who is playing tonight?". He knew she was bluffing, she hated watching sports, but she just wasn't telling him why. After regarding her face a few seconds, he realized it was something bigger than what she was letting on, her face a bit more tired and pale than usual. He decided to drop it and agree. "Okay, Beesley, you win. I'll meet you at your place at seven? I'll bring the popcorn?" He offered. Her eyes widened with something he didn't understand when she replied, "If you don't mind, can we go to your place? I mean, I am so sick of looking at my place, it would be nice to get out for a while, you know?" her eyes never met his, and she was struggling with the effort of the lie, but it didn't matter. He nodded, and agreed. "It's a date then." He tapped her desk a few times and shoved his hands in his pockets and walked back over to is desk, wondering what the hell that was about.

What he hadn't seen was the e-mail Pam had minimized just as he was approaching. An e-mail that would have explained everything to Jim to as why Pam had been acting so bizarrely. On the bottom left corner of Pam's computer was an e-mail Pam feared that one day she would receive. All it said was "I'm coming home for you Pammy." That simple line was even more frightening to her because of the man that had sent it.


	4. Chapter 4

Jim was just rummaging through his movie selection at his apartment as he pulled a DVD out and flipped it open to enter into his player on top of his television. He looked at his watch, anxious for Pam to arrive. He always got excited waiting to see Pam, anticipating her presence always made him feel like a little boy waiting for Christmas. He laughed at himself sometimes, how completely absorbed he was with her. He finally heard her soft knock and he almost ran to answer it. "Easy Jim", he chided himself. Opening the door he saw her, wearing a pair of jeans and sneakers. His grin turned into a full smile as he took her in. It was so nice to see her out of her work clothes. It was like a silent treat seeing her as Pam his girlfriend, not Pam the receptionist. He inwardly smirked at the word. Girlfriend.

"Hey, come in," He shifted to the side to allow her access to the living room. She shuffled in next to him, shrugging out of her winter coat as she passed. He took her coat from her and walked into the dining room laid it on a kitchen chair. "So you ready for movie night-o-rama?" He said with his back turned to her. "I figured we'll start with a little comedy, move into some action and close with some dra-" he turned to face her, and instantly dropped the end of his sentence.

Pam was standing there, silently shaking, her hands clasped over her mouth. He made two long strides and reached her, pulling her safely into the folds of his arms. "Shh," he whispered, unsure of what had happened, but only concerned with comforting her. In all the time he knew her, he'd never seen her look so fragile. He softly cradled her head to his chest and felt her wrap her arms around his middle as she let a sob wreck from inside, against the fabric of his worn sweatshirt. They stood there for a moment, letting her regain herself, before he pulled her onto the couch so he could look at her.

He pulled her face up to him so he could see her in the lamplight. Her face was white and blotchy; her eyes a puffy mess like she had been crying for hours. His heart immediately tightened, like all the warmth had left his body as he stared at her. "What happened? Are you alright?" He quickly asked her, afraid of the answer. She pulled her face away from his scrutiny and stared at the threads of his blue jeans. "Pam," he said in a softer tone, pulling her chin upwards at him. "look at me, what is it?" Her eyes returned to meet his and she immediately melted under his intense concern. "It's Roy," she admitted before his stomach boiled and she felt his fists clench around her chin. "Roy? What happened? Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" His voice rising at every question. He felt fire in this throat at the million of terrible scenario's stretching themselves in front of his eyes, rotting his insides. "Jim, please, just listen" she begged, clutching at his fists, trying to relax the bones inside them. "I'm fine, I promise, just listen." The softness in her voice pulled him from the frightening images he had and he sucked into to face her once again. "Roy is back. And he's been," she shrugged out of his grasp, letting her head slip into her hands, pulling her hair out of her face, "I don't know, I'm just a little freaked out I guess. He's been sending me e-mails and stuff for a few days. . ." She began. Jim cut her off. "A few days? And you're just now telling me? Why did you wait so long? Damn it Pam! You should have told me!" He raised his arms in aspiration. Looking at her, he immediately regretted his explosion. He took her hands into his and took a loud breath. He stared down at her hands, so tiny and delicate in his large ones; and he wanted nothing more than to take away the pain.

He took a moment before he spoke, ensuring his voice had regained it's normal volume. "Okay," He breathed, bearing his eyes into hers. "I'm sorry, I just wish you told me earlier, Pam, that's all. You didn't have to keep this to yourself." He rubbed his thumb against the soft skin of her hand. "I know," She replied. "I just didn't know how to handle it at the time, I guess I just thought it would go away if I ignored them." Her eyes were full of regret and something else, fear? He couldn't tell.

He reached up and took her cheek into his hand and pulled her face towards him into a kiss. It wasn't passionate, like his normal kisses, but protective; warm and soft. She felt the tension melt off her shoulders and she lost herself in him for a moment. He pulled away, only to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. His lips lingered there, sighing into her hair. "It's okay," he finally managed. He looked back into her face and whispered, "I will never let anything happen to you, you hear me?" His eyes searching hers, begging them to understand. "Nothing. I promise. Do you believe me?" She had never seen Jim so avid, so devoted to his words.

She couldn't help but nod, tears welling back into her eyes. Only these were tears of something stronger than she thought herself capable of. She believed him, believed the words, the fervent way he looked at her. It was like he was staring straight into her very being.

"I love you." She whispered, the first time the words trickled from her lips, from her every pore. She was shocked at herself, dazed by her own boldness.

His expression changed. His stern eyes and clenched jaw relaxed, and his face slipped into a new expression. A soft smiled played his lips up, and she smiled at the gleam of his teeth. "You don't have to say that. . ." He started to say, but she stopped him with a kiss. Not a soft one like they had exchanged before, but an urgent one that burned her insides with elation as she devoured his lips with her own.

They had agreed to move slowly, at her pace, not moving into anything too physical to early, not wanting to ruin their friendship if it didn't work out. He was content with just her lips, her smile and her eyes sparkling his own world like a thousand little stars in his life. He felt her tongue seek his out and he forgot everything else in this world except for this moment. She pulled away, her fingers moving to his face, touching his cheek as she regarded him. "I know. I love you." she smiled.

His eyes glaze over as sentiment took him. He felt happy, bursting at his seems. He never thought he could feel so elated. "I , Pam, I," He stuttered, talking through the lump that appeared in his throat. She pulled him in for another kiss, tangling her fingers in his hair and greedily pushed against his lips.

His skin came alive, and hummed with desire as Pam smothered his lips with hers. He suddenly became very aware of himself and the effect she took on his body. He had always been so restrained with her, cautioned himself not to move to quickly, fearing he would frighten her away. He felt the restrain wear away, his body screaming at him to explore her, fulfill her as much as she fulfilled him.

"Pam," he cooed into her ear, leaving feather light kisses around her jaw. For his sake, he kept his hands fashioned in her hair, not trusting himself the venture farther.

For Pam, hearing Jim say her name with such hungry veracity made her body ache for his touch, his breath, his everything. She wanted him entirely, all of him. She unleashed the grip on his hair to lay her hands against his broad shoulders to lean him into the arm of the couch. He obediently followed her suit, pulling her onto him, never breaking their kiss.

Jim's hands carefully explored her, lightly touching her shoulders, her back, just savoring the sensory overload of being with her at this moment. He trailed his fingers up her spine to regain the grip into of her curls , soft around his fingers. Pam's own fingers were taking in the smooth plains of Jims chest. She lightly grazed her teeth against Jims lips, smiling as he groaned into her mouth. Her fingers continued their path down his chest to his stomach, feeling him flex from sensation as she dragged her nails over the ticklish spot around his naval. She trailed light kisses down his neck, up to his ear as she took the lobe into her mouth and grin as she felt him lightly buck beneath her. She worked her kisses to his other ear and repeated the same assault. Her hands drifted under his sweatshirt to his stomach, playing in the soft hair littering his skin there. Her lips made their way back to his mouth and accosted his teeth with her tongue. His hands drifted to her hips, pushing her closer to him, not wanting anything separating them. He felt himself groan her name as her stomach pushed into his growing need for her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and up the curves of her body, savoring the feel of her. His hands lingered away from touching her breasts, much to her discomfort. "Damn it Halpter", she silently scolded him for being too tentative. She pushed her hands up his torso to meet his fingers and pulled his hands to her.

This was all the encouragement Jim needed, and he lost himself in Pam's breasts, weighing them in his palms, feeling her perk against his fingers. His lips departed from her lips to her neck, sliding his way down to the sensitive curve of her collarbone. His thumb slowly stroking small circles against her hard nipple, making her sigh. She felt the fire burning in her stomach, and she wanted release. She wanted to feel Jim, feel all of him, wanted him to take all stress and fear away and to just be hers. She felt his arousal dig into her thigh and she ground herself against it, making him gasp into her mouth.

His hands reached under her shirt to the softness of her bra as he slipped his fingers under the cups to feel her skin, supple and ripe against his fingers. "Oh god," His brained screamed at him, and he knew he couldn't continue like this. He felt her fingers trickle down his body again, pulling at the belt of his jeans.

His lips instantly stopped moving against hers and his body stiffened. He slowly untangled his hands from her and pulled her face away. "Pam, we, this isn't," He puffed, his breathing labored, "right time," He finished lamely, his body already screaming in protest. Her face became a mix of embarrassment and rejection. "Oh," She breathed, and he scolded himself for not better explaining. She was breathing heavily as she eased away from him and he felt he had made a terrible mistake.

"No, it's not that I don't want to, really." He puffed his cheeks out as he struggled for words, distracted by the flush that covered her neck and cheeks. He sat back up, feeling ridiculous. What kind of guy says no to sex? What an idiot, he thought to himself. It all had happened so quickly. He was afraid much longer and he couldn't hold himself back. He looked back up at her to explain, but she cut him off. "No, sorry, I don't know what I was thinking, I just . . ." He stopped her with a kiss. "Hey," He silenced her. "It's not that I don't want to, I do." He closed his eyes in frustration, "believe me, I really do." He gestured down to the front of his jeans. "It's just that I don't want our first time together to be because of him," He found her gaze again, holding it. "I want it to be because of us." He felt like an idiot. He tried to joke it off, "I mean, I'm not into threesomes. At least not with another dude. That would be just weird." He made a face.

Pam's body felt uncomfortable and unfulfilled. But she knew that he was right. He wanted to wait. Her lips slowly returned to the smile that was for him and him alone. She wanted to be distracted, but he cared more for her than to just rush into something to make themselves forget. He wanted her.

She put her head on his chest as he pulled her back into his embrace, smoothing her hair down with his hand. Slowly all the edge and tension eased out of her as she listened to the jackhammer sound of his heart. The rhythm from his body, and his hands soothing her hair slowly made her tired and she felt herself drifting into sleep. She heard him whisper "I love you" before she let herself fall into a slumber. But her slumber didn't last long, when she hard a booming crash and she heard Jim yelling something she didn't quite comprehend.


	5. Chapter 5

Jim had never felt so content in all his life. Having Pam laying on his chest, the smell of her shampoo filled his nostrils, and he sighed. The discomfort he felt after stopping her hands, melted away into a lazy haze, his fingers toying his her hair as he felt her body mold with his as she drifted off. Then he said it. That he loved her, softly into her forehead and he felt so complete. He let his mind wander to all the years he wasted, joking with her, but never telling her how he truly felt until it was almost too late. This made him feel justified in his feelings, telling him that they were real. His mind kept drifting, playing in and out of consciousness, before he heard the crash rocket through the window behind the couch.

"Shit!" He cursed as felt shards of glass splintered around their bodies. He shifted away from the window and wrapped his arms around Pam's head to protect her from the falling debris. He clamped his eyes shut to try to shield them from the glass, and he felt his body tense, waiting for another blow.

For a few moments they sat there, frozen to each other until Jim opened his eyes and looked down at the form he was protecting. Pam's face titled up at him in shock, glass sprinkling her air, but she didn't look hurt. Her eyes went wide and frightened as she took him in, his hair still sticking out at all sides from her death grip from earlier and little dots of blood from where the glass hit him. She reached her hands up to his face to inspect his damage.

"Are you okay?" he managed, "Are you cut anywhere?" That just like Jim, she thought to herself, worried about her when he's the one bleeding. She slowly sat up off of him, careful of the glass broken around them. Jim reached up to examine her scalp and face. "I'm okay, I'm okay," she breathed, her breath coming out of her in puffs. Their eyes swept across the apartment, taking in the glass and bits of window strewn out across his living room. He found the large rock on the other side of the room before her eyes did. She saw the adrenaline wash out of Jim at her response but get replaced with something else. He scooped her up off the couch and walked her silently across the broken glass of the carpet to move her to his bedroom.

"Jim, what are you doing?" She frantically asked as he laid her on the flannel of his bed. The fact that she couldn't recognize the face he wore scared her.

"Stay here, keep the door locked until I get back." He ordered. She realized his face now, more terrified now than ever. "No Jim, don't," She pleaded, but it was too late. He had shut the bedroom door with a click and she could hear him bound out of the door and out of the apartment. She sat there, fear overcoming her, praying that he was coming back.

Jim didn't know what the hell he was doing, He just knew he had to do _something_. He knew who it was, he just didn't know what he was going to do if he was still outside his apartment. The air was cold and wet in his lungs as he ran out into the parking lot. His entire body was tense and he found like he was a coiled, pushed too tightly, ready to spring at a moments notice. His hands had balled themselves into fists as he ran around to the side of his garden level apartment building until he reached the window to his living room. The parking lot was deserted; the only noise was his own breath, seeping from his lips in white bursts of clouds. His eyes scanned along the seemingly empty parking lot, and then he saw it. The taillights of a pickup truck screeching on the pavement as it sped quickly out of the complex. He bent over, putting his shaking hands on his knees as he took gulps of air.

"Shit," Jim cursed, wiping some blood from his mouth and winced at the pain that accompanied. "Shit," He recognized the truck, instantly confirming his fears. It had appeared that Roy and indeed returned to Scranton.


	6. Chapter 6

Roy didn't know what he was thinking. Maybe that was the problem. He just lost it. Utterly lost it. It wasn't bad enough that that fucking Halpter had a thing for his fiancé over a year ago, but he had told the faggot it was fine. That he was glad that Pam had someone to talk to at work, a friend to confide in. Someone to yack to so he didn't have to hear it. Roy's foot pressed down on the peddle as far as it would go. He felt the car's back tire spin out and he momentarily lost control of the pickup truck. His front end skidded over the medium outside of the complex and his head jerked around and he teeth cracked on itself. "Fuck" Roy spat when his truck came to a stop over a grassy mound. He realized his hands were shaking. He couldn't feel anything but rage. It was all Halpter's fault. He was the reason he lost Pam. Spending every moment to wear Pam down, to make him the bad guy. All the time he was trying to steal her away.

He had been on his best behavior after Pam called off the wedding. He opened doors, went to her stupid art show, even fucking Jim didn't go. But non of it mattered; because fucking Jim was with her now. There was a time that Roy thought that Jim was gay, a great companion for Pam. Someone he could trust. Shit.

He'd returned to Scranton two weeks ago. He'd spent the last year up in Utica working in a warehouse during the day, only to squander it on drinking at night. Every night he went to the same bar and drink himself into oblivion. One that didn't involve Pam or Jim or Dunder Mifflin. That's when his life turned dark and he woke up each morning hating them even more. He couldn't believe Pam could do this to him. He couldn't believe that he let Jim steal her away, embarrassing him like that.

He should have pounded the lanky bastard when he had that chance. He wished he could have beat the shit out of Jim, he wished he could teach him a lesson. Show him what happens to guys who steal other guys girls.

Roy slowly pulled his truck off the medium, pulling back onto the main road. The wet moisture broke into a rain and he could still feel the adrenalin pumping. He had been following Pam for the last few days, sending her e-mails, letters, whatever he could to remind her that he was back. Remember that he was coming home. He remembered seeing Pam drive to Jim's apartment. He sat in his car until he saw her enter his place, then he got out and walked around to the window and silently watched them.

First he held her in his arms, then he had to watch the bastard make another move on her. He watched, his whole world turning black and putrid as he saw Pam and Jim on the coach. He hadn't decided to throw the rock, he just saw it, staring back at him. He picked it up and watched it as it flew from is hand at the window. As soon as he released it his whole body responded. He saw in slow motion as the rock flew into the window, shattering it; he watched Jim's face as he responded to the noise. A giant boom. It wiped the smirk off the damn bastards mouth. For the first time in a long time Roy felt happy. He felt justified. He wanted to do it again.


	7. Chapter 7

It was taking forever. Pam's forehead was beaded in sweat. How long had it been? Five minutes? Ten? An hour? She couldn't tell. She gnawed on her fingernails until it hurt. Where was he? After an eternity of waiting she finally heard the front door creak open, then shut. She wrapped her arms around her chest and ran to the bedroom door, freezing for a moment. "What if it's Roy?" She thought. And her hand froze the on the bedroom handle. She deliberated on hiding somewhere, scanning the bedroom until the door opened.

But the door opened and there stood Jim in front of her, wet from the rain. His already untidy hair had managed to mat itself into an odd design around his scalp that would have made his appearance humorous under different circumstances. That of course, until she saw the small mixture of blood, sweat and rain draining from his face onto the front of his sweatshirt.

Pam didn't ask where he went or what he intended to do. She didn't want to know. The idea of Jim going out there alone made her feel completely out of control, and she hated it. She wanted to yell, she wanted to scream and kick at him for being so foolish. What did he think he was going to do?! Who does he think he is?! What if something had happened, it would be all her fault. He'd run out there like some knight and shinning armor and leave her all alone if something happened.

"Are you okay?" She asked, suddenly weary. He nodded, but not relinquishing on his white knuckled hold of his fist he had maintained before he left the apartment.

She reached for him, careful not to startle him. The moment she touched his forearm he physically relaxed, only slightly though.

"We should call the police." He said softly. Like saying anything at all about Roy will make him appear from thin air. She nodded, then approached him to wrap her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into her embrace. She could feel Jim's arms pull her in and felt him slowly return to her. "In a minute." She whispered into his neck, careful to avoid his injuries.

"I'll never let anything happen to you." He muttered into her hair. She didn't know if it was for her benefit or for is own. But she didn't care. She believed him. "I know." She soothed. "I know". She swayed in his embrace slightly, and knew that something was brewing. Something bad. She just hoped that whatever it was, it wouldn't drag them both under the current when it hit.

She stayed there that night. Jim volunteered to sleep on the couch, but Pam thought it was no time to pretend to be chivalrous. After helping him cover the living room window, they locked themselves in Jim's bedroom. Jim refused to talk about anything after he ran outside. Pam could feel his eyes on her, watching her. It was strange, Roy had never looked at her like he did. Hell, even Jim never looked at her this way. His face wasn't fun or full of humor like it normally was; it was etched with concern. It was as almost like he worried that if he took his eyes away from her, she's slip away from him.

They laid in his bed, his arms wrapped around her. He whispered loving and protective words in her ear, telling her everything would be okay. She believed them, believed him, but it didn't push the sinking feeling that was filling her stomach. After a few minutes she turned to face him. "I still mean it" She whispered to his darkened face.

She couldn't quite make out his features, but she could feel his breath on her lips. He pulled her closer to him, entangling her limbs with his. "I know." He whispered in her ear. They remained like that until she felt his breath even out and his body relax. After that, she finally let herself fall into a dreamless sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

Roy still had the baseball bat in the back of his truck. He'd spent the last three weeks drinking himself into a fury and watching. He watched Jim pick Pam up every morning and drop her off every night. Sometimes following her into her place for hours. It infuriated him that he couldn't see them in her apartment, so he merely watched the lights in the window. He imagined what they were doing in there and it ate at him. He'd stay for as long as needed. Watch Jim leave and get into his stupid car and drive off. He hated him. He hated him with every fiber of his being. "He's the reason that my life is so fucked up right now", Roy reasoned. He hated his stupid hair and the his old man suits and he especially hated his stupid ass grin. Mother fucker. He had sat in his truck all night, drinking and fuming. Barely able to see straight he had taken the baseball bat and walked over to the constant reminder of his broken life. Her fucking car. He remember feeling the sun rise on his shoulders and he pretended it was Halpter he was breaking with his bat. Wiping the stupid grin off his face.


	9. Chapter 9

The next few days came and went without incident. They returned to work on Monday, Jim sidestepping questions about his appearance. "Shaving," he told Michael, who offered to give him lessons. Pam nearly laughed when Jim went into a riveting story about battling a panther to Dwight. Dwight in return gave him 30 reasons how Jim's story was illogical. It was a good distraction, being at work again. Where things were normal. Or, as normal as Dander Mifflin could be. But She could feel Jim's eyes on her whenever he didn't think the camera's were on them. His face would lose it's humor and he'd regard her with an intense stare, daring someone to try something.

Pam caught him a few times, making a face and watch the humor return. He'd make a sideways smile, or roll is eyes at Dwight. Something to make it appear he wasn't being over protective. It was strange almost, she wasn't used to being looked after like this. But it made each day bearable.

Each day Jim couldn't tell if he was relieved or more anxious; each day was a silent torture to endure. The fact that they still hadn't heard from Roy should have taken the edge off, but it almost made it worse. Jim was sure that they would see him again, but each day nothing happened. It just proved to make him more and more tense. He couldn't help but check on Pam every free moment he had. He was afraid she was getting tired of him always staring at her, but he couldn't help it. If he kept his eyes on her, he knew that she was safe. Two weeks went by and he could still feel a haunted feeling in his gut that he feared something was coming. But he it was torture not having control over the situation. He hated just having to sit back and wait for it to come.

After three weeks Jim slowly felt himself return to normal. Each day he would pick Pam up from her apartment, and drive her to work. He had wanted her to stay at his place, but she declined, saying that she didn't want to alter her life because of Roy. Jim understood, as he joked, "That's fine, I heard you're a slob anyway." But he kept the feeling of dread every time he left her in the pit of his stomach. He didn't want to show her how nerve wracking it was leaving her.

Jim let his mind wander as he listened to the music playing in his car on his way to pick up Pam. He was finally relaxing, tapping is fingers on the steering wheel in tune with the beat. It was a particularly wet day in Scranton, but something he grew accustomed to by now. It looked like rain was just tempting to break, but he was cheery anyhow. Picking Pam up for work was a highlight of his day.

He slowly turned into her complex when he heard his phone ring. He switched off his music and pulled it out of his pocket. It flashed "Pam's Cell" and he felt his blood turn cold in his veins. "You're overreacting." He muttered to himself. He flipped it open and answered.

"He-llo?" Silence. His stomach twisted. "Hello? Pam, are you there?" He started pulling in the parking lot of her building.

"Jim," She started, and he could hear her sniffle. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

"I'm almost there." His voice rising. He didn't say anything else, but kept her on the line. He finally pulled around the front her building and he saw it.

Her blue car had all her windows bashed out, the glass littered the parking spot around it. He stopped his car, not even trying to find a spot to park it as he flipped his phone shut and ran towards her building. He took the stairs two at a time until he made it, panting, to knock on her door. She opened it before he could knock.

She was pale, her eyes large and watery. Jim took her all in to make sure that she was okay. Silently he walked in and grabbed her coat and her purse, and gently helped her into them. "C'mon," he nudged and pulled her by hand to the stairwell. They walked together in silence, the only noise was their shoes clicking on the stairs. Finally they left her apartment building and steered her over to his car. He opened her door and guided her in, blocking her view of her mangled vehicle. He shuffled past her and let himself in and they tore away from the sight.

It was several minutes before he spoke. "You okay?" he laced his fingers around her shaking ones and pulled them up into a kiss. She looked at him then, suddenly angry at his words. "I am so tired of being asked if I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm fine!" she stared out her window, trying to keep it in. She felt Jim's fingers pull and eventually drop from hers. She didn't mean to be hurtful, she just couldn't take feeling this out of control and angry. She felt the tears bubble up and threaten to break. "The one thing that was just mine, the ONE thing, and he destroys it." She confided, her tears falling freely now. "Why? Why is this fair Jim?" She tried to control herself, taking deep breathes in and out, willing the anger and pain away. Jim returned his hands around hers, but he didn't say anything. Didn't tell her it would be okay, or that he was here or any of the nonsense she didn't want to hear. He just let her cry and get it out, and squeezed her fingers until she was finished.

She had regained her composure as they pulled into the Dunder Mifflin parking lot. He pulled into the farthest space and turned off the engine. "You know, Pam" He looked sideways at her as she attempted to wipe the stains off her cheeks. She stopped and looked expectantly at him. " I never really liked that car." He shrugged. "Always been a bit too flashy if you ask me." He was smiling. She grinned at him, glad he was taking a lighter approach. "Oh yeah?" She played back. "What about your Subaru? Who are you? Huggy Bear?" She quipped. He made a face, the smiling never leaving. "Huggy Bear? Really?" He opened his door and got out. She followed suit. "What kind of TV did you watch as a kid Beesly?" He laughed. She caught up with him and wrapped her fingers into the warmth of his hand. "What's wrong with the TV I watch?" She looked up at him expectantly. He just made a goofy face and said "Nothing, nothing." As they walked into the warm building. She fired a "suck it Halpter." before the doors shut behind her.


	10. Chapter 10

Jim was staring at his monitor for so long he felt his eyes cross. He pinched the bridge of his nose and willed them to refocus. He hadn't been able to concentrate on anything the entire day. All he could see was Pam's destroyed car, and the look on her face when he entered her apartment. Jim's mind was a garbage can of obscenities and daydreams. Thoughts of Roy appearing and what he would do if he ever saw the bastard again. Stop Jim. It's not helpful. He looked back at the screen and saw an IM had popped up. It was from Pam.

"Stop it, you're freaking me out." He smiled and looked around his monitor to give her a face. He wrote back, "Sorry, saw Dwight in the bathroom and am still recovering." He watched her face smile as her head shook at him in mock anger. She looked back down and typed : "You don't have to look so disgruntled. Michael's going to make Toby talk to you." He smirked. She knew if he could, he would have given her the finger.

She looked up at the clock and realized it was 4:45. They would have to leave soon and the reality of that morning would have to be dealt with. She didn't want to leave the safety of the office so she fiddled. Doing her faxes, cleaning out her jellybean's, anything not to have to leave yet. Thank goodness that Jim still looked like he was transfixed on whatever he was doing at the time.

"What'cha doing tonight Pam?" She hadn't realized she was staring off into the distance. It was Michael. She looked up, startled when she realized that most everyone had left for the day. "Oh, uh," She looked over at Jim for a way out. But he was still engrossed in some paperwork he inevitably had left till the last moment. "Just you know, hanging out probably." She shrugged. Michael looked from her to Jim and made an "O" face. "I see," he smirked. "Staying inside, having a little something something." He laughed at his own humor. She just made a face, trying not to encourage him. Eventually Michael, still laughing, said his goodnights and left. It was just Pam and Jim left in the building. No more doodling, she decided.

She got up from her desk and walked around to Jim's. She leaned against it until he realized she was there. "Oh hey," he smirked. She noticed that his eyes looked more worn and bloodshot than normal, and she wondered when the last time he slept.

"You ready?" She smiled at him, wrapping her arms around her chest. Jim looked confused as he looked around the empty office and finally to his watch. "It's 5:30?" He asked, alarmed at himself for misplacing time. She smiled down at him and smoothed the errant hairs out of his face. "I'm starved," she whispered, holding onto her stomach for emphasis. "You want to go to that Chinese place? I am ready for a little Mo Go Gui Pan." Jim mocked her with his eyes. He knew that she was avoiding, but a little distracting seemed fine to him right now. "Mo Go Gui what?" He mocked, feigning exasperation. She rolled her eyes, and pulled him out of his seat. "Shut up, let's go." She dragged him all the way to his coat pulled her hair up as he helped her slide into her own before putting his own on.

They walked arm in arm to the elevator and savored the comfortable silence. Finally he broke the silence with "Really, though Mo Go Gui Pan, Pam?" And shook his head as she smiled into his arm. She stood there, taking in his smell with her eyes closed, savoring the smell of his cologne and shower gel. She heard the ding of the elevator and expectantly opened her eyes to an empty elevator. Only it wasn't empty. She didn't have any time to react as she saw Roy, eyes red and bulgy start at them and heard Jim yell in surprise before she was pushed from the side onto to the hard carpeted floor.


	11. Chapter 11

"What the fuck?" Was the only thing Jim could manage when door opened on Roy and he froze. His body moved of it's own accord as he managed to push Pam out and away from him as he watched as Roy rush in off the lift and dove straight into him. He could only stare at Roy's face, contorted in rage and he could smell the booze seep from his breath. Jim felt his feet leave the floor as Roy plunged in and tackle him, sending them both crashing through the glass leading into the office building. Jim could hear from a distance something shatter and someone screaming his name, but he couldn't make out what she said before his world turned black.

Pam's stomach dropped as she watched from the ground as Roy rushed in and football tackled Jim. She felt herself scream as she watched Jim stumble and they both went spiraling through the glass vestibule of the darkened office. She felt her knee's shake as she stood and watched in horror as Roy had used Jim's body to shield himself against the impact of the glass. She peeked through the wreckage; both men were sprawled out on the glass like a pair of puppets who strings were suddenly cut. She grabbed at the door to remember it was locked, and ran over to the Jim sized hole in the pane of glass. Her mind screamed at her to run, to protect herself but she couldn't leave Jim.

She shimmied through the glass, careful of the jagged edges as she ran to Jim's figure. Her eyes scanned towards Roy as his eyes tightened and she could see him start to come around. Her eyes darted back down to Jim, terrified of what she'd see. She dropped to her knees and felt the glass bite into her knee's but she didn't care. She only cared about Jim being okay. "Jim." She whispered into his ear. He didn't move. Fear started to rise up in her as she tried again, this time with more fury. "Jim, wake up, please wake up." His form became blurry as tears of fear rose in her. "Please! JIM!" She shook him. She saw his mouth open, and then shut, saw him wincing in pain. "Jim, can you hear me?" She held his face in her hands, willing his eyes to open. His head had a deep gash in it, right above his eyebrow, and blood was flowing down her fingers. Finally she heard him, "Pam?" his voice barely audible.

She felt herself smile for a moment before she heard Roy grumble and watched him carefully ease himself onto his stomach and push himself off the wreckage of broken glass and blinds. She sat there, stubbornly trying to cradle Jim's head awkwardly against her. Roy stiffly got up and started to brush glass off himself. The blood drain from her face as she saw him take them in. Pam trying to protect him still. This made Roy's drunken head boil with delight and anticipation as he saw Jim lay there, but his thoughts turned to bile as he watched Pam crouch around him, daring him to come near them with her eyes.

"You fucking bitch." Roy screamed when he finally took in the scene before him. He watched her face drop and her chin clench in defiance as he advance on them. "You fucking bitch!" He screamed again as she felt her scalp burn as he took a fist of her hair and pulled her away from Jim's body and across the office. He felt his fist sting from her scratching fingers as he slung her behind Jim's desk and dropped her. He looked at his red hand and savored the feeling. Pam wrapped her hands in her hair, willing the fire that burned her to sooth. "Why are you doing this, Roy?" She screamed at him as he stood back up and walked back over to Jim's still unconscious body. He turned and spat at her.

"It's your fucking fault, Pam!" He screamed, his body rigid with authority. "You did this to me! Now it's going to be your fault when I kick the shit out of your fucking boyfriend!" He turned back into is path towards Jim. Pam didn't wait a moment to react. She got up and grabbed Dwight's bobble head and hurled it at the back of Roy, hitting him square in the back. "Leave him alone!" She screamed, or at least tried to as she mustered her strength. She waited for him to turn around and stood there, ready to face whatever she had coming.

Jim felt his mind slowly come back to his body and was instantly engulfed in pain. He squeeze his eyes against the stars he knew were coming. He shifted his body gingerly, wincing, sure he had some broken ribs. He opened his eyes and it took several seconds for the world to stop spinning. He rolled himself over, trying to remember what the hell happened. His heart stopped and his head rolled over to the office as the memory of what just transpired hit him. Roy. Roy was here. They had fallen through the glass. Pam, oh God where's Pam? His eyes fixed in on Roy's back, partially hidden from his sight by his desk. Then he heard it, Pam screaming. He saw Roy's elbows come into view, saw his hands raise and fall, battering her with punches.

Jim ignored the screaming protests of his body as he pushed himself into a seated position and pulled himself to his feet. He saw red, the only thing he could comprehend that Roy was touching her. He wanted to fucking kill him. He wrapped one arm around his battered ribs and he ran to them, grabbing Roy by the collar of his shirt as he heaved Roy off of her, pulling him down with him. "You mother fucker!" He screamed at Roy as he rolled on top of him, balling his fists to punch him, rage taking over. "Big man, beating up a woman half your size, you prick!" Jim rained fists down on Roy's face. Jim had never gotten into a fight as a kid, never having it in him to hit someone. But all that changed. He wanted Roy dead.

Jim yelped in pain as Jim threw an uppercut into his already battered ribs and fell to the side. Rolling himself over to try to get back up while gasping for air.

Roy rocked back up and wiped his hand across his face, pushing the blood out of his eyes as he looked at Jim. He stood over him and laughed. "What you think you can stop me?" He screamed. He pulled back his leg and landed a kick to Jim's body. He heard Jim curse and cough, trying to get air to his lungs. "You think you can replace me? Huh, Halpter?" He landed another vicious kick to the same spot. He kneeled down and glared into Jim's face. "You're a fucking traitor." He grabbed at Jim's hair and forced him to look at him. "You think you can fuck her the same way? Does she scream your name at night?" Roy reveled in the look Jim's face contorted to. He finally wiped that stupid grin off. "She's mine. No matter what. She was mine first." He punched Jim with a hand he release his hair with. "If you think for a second, know that I was her first. You couldn't even seal the deal, Halpter. You faggot. You can watch how it's done." He threw in one more punch as e dropped Jim's head again and watched as Jim's face took over in fear as realization of the words set in.

Pam could barely breathe. She had laid there, after Jim pulled Roy off, cradling her stomach. She couldn't believe it, Roy had struck her. He was beating her bloody, pulling at her shirt until Jim came to her aid. She gasped through her sobs and tried to get up. She could hear Jim and Roy's exchange. She found Jim's eyes and saw the terror that was in there. "Run!" He screamed, his voice hoarse. Roy stopped to kick Jim square in the face before he turned back to her. Her heart stopped as she tried to get up, using Jim's desk as a crutch. She didn't get far as Roy took one large step and curled his fingers in her hair and pushed her into the desk. "Get away from me! Roy, no!" She sobbed, and he forced her face to look at him. She grabbed onto his grip, begging him to let go.

"You think that I'd forget about you?" His hot breath was full of whisky and hatred. He pushed his knee between her legs, forcing them apart. "Did you think I wouldn't come back for what's mine?" She could only cry and claw at him as he took one hand pulled her shirt from the top of her skirt. "Roy, no, please, don't do this." She pleaded. Her cries made him feel powerful. It made him hard. He pinned her with his body to the corner of the desk. Jim's desk, he thought as he laughed to himself seeing the irony. He was going to fuck her on Halpter's desk. He forcefully pulled her skirt up and around her thighs with one hand and laughed as she blubbered into his other as he wrestled with his belt. "Remember this Pammy?" He murmured into her ear, as he pushed himself against her. "Remember when you liked this?" He ripped her shirt away from her and clawed at her breast. Pam was trying to push him away, thumbing her fists on his chest, "I never liked it! I hate you! Don't do this!" She screamed as his teeth grazed her neck and his hands dive between her legs, pulling at her underwear. All she could do was cry.

Jim's whole body ached. His head felt like a bomb exploded as he tried to will himself up. He watched in horror as Roy pinned Pam to his desk, watched him in slow motion as he bit at her neck, groping at her. He heard her plead and cry and he came unglued. "Pam!" He screamed, but his voice was giving. His world was spinning around him as he saw himself go to her. He ran over to his desk, momentarily forgetting the pain as he wrenched Roy's grip from Pam's face and pushed him back, sending he flying into a stack of computer paper. Jim stole a second to look at Pam; her face was bruising and her shirt was torn open. She tried to pull her skirt back down and he could see her legs covered in scratches and blood. Jim held her gaze for a second before he ripped his eyes from hers and back down at Roy. Roy was laughing, his back shaking with the effort. This refueled Jim's adrenalin and rage. He ran over and kicked Roy in the stomach. "You think that's funny, do you?!" He screamed down at Roy, who still laughed. Jim landed another kick to his stomach, and watched Roy suck his breathe in and stopped laughing. "You never deserved her, you prick!" He kicked him again. "You ever, EVER touch her and I'll kill you!" He kicked Roy again. "Do you hear me?" He dropped to his knees and grabbed Roy's hair. "I will fucking kill you." He screamed at him, all the fury of the last 3 weeks building up and releasing.

It was like Jim was staring at another person, a man he didn't recognize raining slews of swear words and fists down on a man who had long stopped protecting himself. Jim couldn't stop. He was far away from himself, watching a scene in a movie . He kept punching, tears stinging his eyes and his minds eye play over Pam's battered face over and over again. He felt his knuckles burn as they crushed in his hand, but it didn't even slow him down.

He was sweating and cursing when he felt Pam pulled his arm, stopping him. He couldn't put anything into context. He let her pull him away from Roy's unconscious body, still screaming at him. "You mother fucker!" He screamed over and over until Pam pulled him in, hushing him. He finally started to breathe, his focus returning when he saw her and it was like he was magically back into his own body. He started to shake and took her in, touching her face, her hair, everything to make sure she was real.

"Pam, I'm so sorry," He started, his voice not sounding like his own. "It's okay, Jim. It's okay, I'm okay." She repeated as she pulled him in for an embrace, careful not to upset his ribs. He wrapped his arms around her and felt himself lose focus, his eyes rolling up as he slip into a sweet oblivion.


	12. Chapter 12

It was dark here, he didn't like it being so dark. Why wasn't there any light in here? Was he dead? Is this what death was? Jim felt himself wander in this new strange place. Strangely he felt comforted here, away from pain or fear or dread. It was a simple place and he wanted to stay a bit longer. . .

This time it wasn't as dark as it was before. He could barely make out shapes of the place he was at. It looked like some kind of office, but everything was still too dark to see many details. How did he get here? And where was the damn light? He could hear something, from a distance. . . A soft mumbling. He tried walking through the office building; finding it strangely familiar. Like he'd been there before. He groped along a desk until he found a wall. He followed the wall until he could find the light switch, fingering it out until he found it in the "off" position. He gently forced the prong up and turned it lights back on…


	13. Chapter 13

Pam had stayed at the hospital every free moment she could. It had been three day and he still hadn't woken up. She had slept on a chair inside the room, wanting to be there when Jim finally returned to her, worried she'd miss him. She looked down at his battered face, his eyes closed like he was sleeping. God he was beautiful. She felt tears well in her eyes and prayed that he'd open them. To whisper all those loving sentiments to her, to make her whole again. The clock above her head clicking cruelly at every moment that was stolen from her.

After the ordeal with Roy at the office, Jim had slipped away from her. She called the police, begged them to come and they arrived with an ambulance to collect both Roy and Jim. It was terrifying watching them wrap Jim's neck in foam and ease his figure to a stretcher. They were trying to talk at him, getting some sign that he was still with them, but Jim remained silent. She refused to have anyone look at her, begging the police to let her ride with Jim, to assure her that everything would be okay. But they walked her downstairs and she was forced to describe the horror over and over again.

After she described it for the fourth time, she walked over to a police officer and simply said, "I need to go to him." He regarded her for a moment and led her over to his cruiser and drove her to the hospital.

There she sat for three days. Each day worse than the day before. The doctor came to her on the first day, asked her questions on Jim's medical history, and she was embarrassed that she couldn't answer all the questions in regards to him.

"When was the patients last tetanus shot?" He asked, scribbling on a clipboard.

"I don't know," Pam shrugged, feeling inadequate.

"Ok, and has he ever had a blood transfusion?" She blanked at him. "I don't know, I don't know." laying her face in her hands. She felt like there was so much that she needed to know about him, but she feared she never would have the chance. She was starting to become angry at the man sitting before her, forcing her to admit that she didn't know everything about the man's life she cared deeply for.

"And when was the patients last," The Doctor began, and suddenly Pam found an angry voice inside her.

"_His_ name is Jim." She whispered angrily at the Doctor. "It's Jim." She whispered once more to herself. She looked up and saw that the doctor had replaced his stern face with a softer one.

"Yes, of course." He patted her hand gently. He put the clipboard on the chair next her them and looked her squarely in the face.

"Jim has sustained a major concussion from the impact that is causing his brain to swell. We don't know how badly the swelling is, or what damage it will cause to his brain." Pam felt all breathe leave her at once, deserting her in her grief. "Right now," He began again, like he was reading a grocery list," We need to just wait and see." At that he rose and gave her one last pat on her hand. "All you can do is pray." And at that he left her all alone.

Pam had refused to leave his side, believing if she talked to him, it would bring him back. She talked about anything she could think of. From her favorite yogurt, to how Dwight reacted when he heard about what happened, and how he offered to become her private body guard if needed. When she ran out of things to talk about at work, she moved on to the first time she knew that she liked him, when she knew she loved him. How happy he made her.

She didn't know how long she had drifted off, her body slumped awkwardly over the side of his bed, her hair falling over her face as she felt something. She opened to eyes gently, not letting her hopes get up as she slowly blinked a few times against the exhaustion. She thought she could feel his fingers on her forearm. Then she heard him, and it made her whole body jump.

"Pam?" He heard his voice, groggy and scratched. Barely Jim's voice, but his non the less. She shot up out of her seat to take in his face. His eye was puffy and black, the stitches that they administered, made his skin red and shiny around the thread. Her face pulled into a frown, as she saw his split lip and waited for them to move again.

"Jim?" She softly pleaded. "Are you back?" Her fingers touched his forearm and she saw his eyes slowly open. She smiled, tears bubbling over for the hundred time, but she didn't fight them back.

His eyes opened and he turned his eyes to her, squinting slight as he adjusted to the light. It was a few moments before he said anything and Pam heart started to drop.

"Anti Am, I was in a wonderful place, and you were there, and you were," He pointed to imaginary people in the room, " and you were there." He pointed softly up at Pam. She watched as his lips curled up into a grin. He was back.

It was a few hours before she could see him again. After the doctors and police and more tests to make sure he was okay. She waited out in the hall, silently fiddling with a paper coffee cup she had bought at the cafeteria. She saw an errant nurse, taking notes in a file. She walked over to her, startled by the sheer act of moving and asked, "The other patient, the one that came in with Jim Halpter," She softly started, watching as the nurse stopping her writing to face her. "Is he," She couldn't say the words out loud.

The nurse seemed to silently regard her, studying her face before stating, "Mr. Anderson has sustained several blows to the head. He had a high levels of alcohol in his blood that caused it to thin" She looked down at her chart before continuing. "The police are in there with him now, but beyond that we're not quite sure how he'll pull though." She closed her file and set her hand on Pam's shoulder. "I'm sorry, I can't give any more information than that." Pam nodded as the nursed squeezed her shoulder and left.

Pam's mind was a constant bother. Hating herself for getting Jim into this and hating Roy for doing this to himself. She couldn't help but feel enormous quilt that she was hoping that the nurse said that he didn't survive.

The doctor that had been treating Jim since he was admitted poked his head out of the room and spoke to her. "Jim look's like he's doing good, he's a strong lad, lot's of determination." He smiled at her, watcher her face blush with gratitude and joy. "He's waiting for you." He finished.

Jim was sick of sitting in bed answering questions. He felt a dull fire in his ribs and his right hand was in a cast. All he wanted to do since he woke was to see Pam, to make sure she was okay. When she saw her entered his room, he still couldn't believe that she could take his breath away. She looked at him, like a scared child, until he opened his arms slightly and she bounded her way to him, careful of his injuries.

She sat on the edge of his bed, carefully regarding him. "Hey", she said, and he parroted with a "hey" himself. She fidgeted by playing with some of his shaggy hair, smoothing it down into place. It wasn't long before their conversation turned serious.

"God Pam," He looked down, unable to meet her eyes, "I don't know what I was doing, I just saw him and I lost it. I couldn't let him," His voice choked off. Pam raised his face with her hands and soothed him. "It's okay, you stopped him Jim, it's okay now. It's going to be okay." She smiled weakly. He nodded into her palms. She could feel his breath of her skin when he asked the question she was dreading. "Is he, I mean, god, did I. . ." He stumbled through his pain. She wiped away the moisture escaping his eyes and held his stare. "They don't know, they can't tell me much, but it doesn't look good."

He nodded, drained by the news. A part of him wanted Roy dead. He had wanted to kill him for what he did to Pam. But a piece of him didn't want to be a murderer.

"Hey," she brought him from his own torture. "Whatever happens, we're in this together, right?" Her lips started warm smile, that spread to his face as well. "Together." He confirmed, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in in a hug. He felt oddly comforted, he knew whatever they faced, they would face it together.


	14. PS

It felt good to drink coffee. It was a simple pleasure, but not one he had the satisfaction of enjoying for what seemed like forever. He twisted the mug gingerly in his left hand; the right one still encased in the cast he has grown to loathe entirely. But he didn't want to think about the cast at that moment, or what it represented. He just wanted to enjoy his coffee.

He had gotten pretty good juggling items with his left hand, but he had yet to master it. He silently cursed simple things, like combing his hair(on the rare occasions that he did), or brushing his teeth, or even the act of signing his own name. He first was amused by his own failed attempt of writing his own name with his left hand. Pam had said it was "cute," and that it reminded her of notes she used to get from her 8 year old boyfriend in elementary.

Jim pushed the mug to his lips and gulped a mouth full of the dark liquid. It was still far too hot, burning the insides of his mouth and throat as he haphazardly swallowed it. His eyes watered for a moment from the sting of the temperature, but oddly it was a tangible feeling, the burn. It seemed like so much of his life for the last two weeks had been so surreal that any reminders that he was still on this planet was a comfort.

They had released Jim about a week ago, satisfied that the swelling from his concussion wasn't a threat anymore. They more or less patched him up pretty well: a cast for his shattered right hand, some stitches here and there, and lots of pain medication. Jim couldn't get out of the place fast enough, knowing who was laying four rooms down the hallway was a constant reminder of everything he had very nearly lost. . .

Jim's eyes tore away from the coffee as he found the sleeping figure curled up silently on his couch and felt a small pang in his stomach as he gazed at the woman who he had sacrificed so much to protect. Jim felt himself slowly rise from his dining room chair, much slower than he was used to, nursing his broken ribs as he crept into the living room. He did this at every opportunity that he had when she slept, **when she slept**, he thought sadly, to just look at her, to embed her image into his brain. At first he couldn't help himself, rationalizing that he had to make sure that she was still there, a solid figure he hadn't lost. But during the last week, he felt almost like a man possessed, slightly obsessed with the need to ensure she was safe. He knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn't slate the thirst of anxiety whenever he thought about her.

His eyes guided down Pam's slumber figure; her face almost back to its normal appearance, no longer plagued by bruises and scratches but still drawn non the less. Her hair was pushed back into a lazy ponytail that she had worn since he was discharged from the hospital. He gently smiled, amused by her small frame tented by his overlarge sweatshirt she's grown accustomed to wearing. Jim softly leaned over to pull the blanket from the back of the couch to cover her with when his eyes caught her tennis shoes tucked under her form. Jim's heart ached. She had been wearing her tennis shoes all the time now, even when she slept, as if she had to have them on so she could run away if she needed to.

Jim had made the mistake of trying to pull them off her as she slept the first night they had returned to his apartment. He had done it to make her more comfortable, but she bolted upright, screaming and clawing at him, begging him to keep them on. It was truly frightening to watch her unravel at that point, but he never mentioned her wearing them after that. If it made her feel safe, than what did it matter?

He finished tucking her in, watching her coo sligtly in her sleep when she felt the warmth of the blanket cover her. He smoothed some errant hairs from her face, and, stealing one more glance at her, he padded back into the dining room to finish his lukewarm cup of coffee.


	15. Chapter 15

"No, Roy no!" She was screaming, watching Roy approaching her with an evil glint in his eyes. They were on a crowded street; people walking casually around them, but non of them would look at her.

She looked desperately for Jim, not finding him among the mass and instantly felt the terror rise up. Roy was making his way across the traffic, not even bothering checking for cars as he strolled casually yet maliciously toward the sidewalk where she stood.

Pam was frozen the cement, unable to move her legs. She realized that her throat had closed up and she could no longer cry for help. All she could do was stand there and wait.

Roy walked, almost strutted slowly towards her, filling the gap of space separating them. Why wasn't anyone helping?! She screamed to herself. Run! Run! She repeated over and over again in her head.

She tried again to run, but was still glued to the spot. She glanced down at her feet, angry she couldn't get them to respond to her and found her bare feet staring back at her.

Oh god, where were her shoes? She looked back up toward the street, momentarily distracted by her predicament to find herself face to face with Roy.

"Pam."

"Pam!" She felt herself being shaken from the darkness that engulfed her, into a disorientation that was shrouded with the sound of screaming.

It took her a full minute to realize the screaming was her.

Pam jerked awake in the arms of a concerned Jim, who had one hand pressed softly against her cheek and the other gripping her arm. She was at Jim's apartment, sprawled out on his lumpy couch.

"Hey, you still with me?" He smoothed the hair that had drenched itself flat against her forehead and pulled her toward his chest.

Pam's first reactions was to push him away to check her feet.

Jim let her shove him backwards, knowing this ritual very well. He rubbed her back softly with his good hand as he watched the anxiety start to melt as she saw that her sneakers were still firmly in place.

They sat there in silence as Pam slowly digested her surroundings. It had only been a dream.

One dream of many dreams that she's had since that night. As much as she felt like she was returning to her normal self, the dreams still remained.

"What's wrong with me?" She rubbed her eyes, trying in vain to wipe away the evidence.

"Nothing's wrong with you." She heard Jim's tender voice in her ear. "This doesn't go away over night."

Pam finally found Jim's face; still full of stitches and bruises and aches all because of her.

"But it doesn't feel like it's getting any better. It should be better by now, shouldn't it?" She begged for an answer.

Jim regarded her for a moment before answering. "I don't know when it will be alright, Pam." He pulled his face away to clasp his hands together between his knees. "I don't know how to make it better." He played inattentively with his cast encasing. "I wish I could, but it will just take time. He looked up at her and smiled grimly. Gripping her knee lightly with his cast.

They just sat there, staring at each other intently when the phone began to ring. "Let the machine get it," he mumbled as he pulled her to him, burying his face in her neck.

Finally the machine picked up. "This message is for Mr. Halpert, this is the state police, " The man started authoritatively, causing Jim to quickly jump up and cross the room to the phone. They had been expecting this phone call.

"Hello? Yes, this is Jim." He answered into the phone. Pam watched, frozen to the couch, staring at Jim's face for some sort of sign. Jim's face, for his part, remained neutral.

"Yes? Oh, I see. Yes of course. Thank you." He quietly returned the phone to it's home.

Jim's face was a mixture of pulling emotions. Not all that Pam could recognized.

She knew that the phone call would come. She knew it. She just didn't know what she wanted to hear when this day would come.

She watched as Jim slowly made his way back to the couch to tell her if Roy Anderson was dead or alive.


	16. Chapter 16

Pam had taken refugee in Jim's bed, burying herself in the confines of his comforter and flannel sheets. She pushed her face against his pillow; breathing in the comforting smell of Jim's cologne and allowed herself feel slightly at ease for a moment. She had sequestered herself in the security of the full sized bed, not being able to bring herself to leave the cocoon she had adapted. It had been three days. Three days since the police had contacted Jim to inform him of Roy's condition.

"Permanent vegetated state."

Pam felt her eyes burn as she tried to keep the tears at bay that threaten to break onto her cheeks. She brushed them aside, angry at herself for mourning for a man that had caused so much terror in her life for the last few, horrific weeks.

It wasn't that Roy she was mourning.

It was the Roy that would make her coffee in the morning when she woke up late for work. The Roy who took her to her high school prom and brought her flowers her birthday. The Roy who told her that he'd love her always and bought her a ring to prove it.

Tears were falling freely now- her chest heaving in exhaustion and a sadness she didn't want to feel. She hated herself for feeling this; knowing what kind of man he had turned into. That was the man who would never wake up, she thought to herself- but it wasn't the man she fell in love with when she was so young.

Pam buried herself further under the sheets- reveling in the darkness they provided. She couldn't help but feel guilty. That she was the cause of Roy's breaking point into attacking her and Jim. It was her fault that Roy spun out of control, and she wasn't there when he needed her. She felt guilty for falling in love with Jim and ruining Roy's life.

Maybe she could just stay under the covers- if she stayed in the warmth and protection of the bed she wouldn't have to look at Roy's dead face- kept alive by a feeding tube and oxygen. She pulled her knees up to her chest and tried to stifle her cries.

She wasn't sure how long it had been since that morning- sleeping every so often when her body would win the battle of exhaustion over the bitter fight her mind would play to stay awake. She felt the bed shift and knew instantly Jim had sat down on the bed. _Is it time for bed already? _She wondered incredulously.

"Pam…" She hear him softly call for her- to pull her out of the darkness she had made camp in. She grunted in response, not pulling the protective covering away.

"I brought a sandwich for you- you need to eat." He touched the lump in the covers- trying to make out how much weight she's lost through his fingers.

She grunted again, not having any intention of putting anything in her sour stomach- the pain of it too much for her.

Jim knew she was devastated by the news about Roy- but he couldn't help but feel the shrouds of anger at her response. The fact that Pam was mourning the man who had attacked them both and whom he almost had to witness force himself onto the woman he would gladly die for left a bitter taste in his mouth. The fact that he more or less killed the man made him stomach burn with so many frightening feelings he didn't know if he should feel relieved or not.

But she was taking small steps, and he was proud at that fact. His socked foot toed at the forgotten sneaker that laid half hazard on his bedroom floor like a beacon. She didn't feel the compulsive need to wear them anymore.

The routine they had fallen into for the last few days was a comfortable one; he'd get up in the morning, tearing himself away from her slumbering figure- and go to work; waiting out another day until he got to come home to her. Then he'd make her a sandwich and coax her to try to eat it. He'd eventually leave it and go on about his day, paying bills, watching TV- until it was time for bed. He'd pad back into his bedroom and collect the sometimes eaten, sometimes not sandwich left on her nightstand and get ready for bed.

It was almost humorous- it was like caring for an imaginary playmate like when he was a kid. But he'd wait for her for as long as she needed. He knew that. He knew she knew it too.

He lingered for another few seconds- waiting to see if she'd emerge, with little hope. He sighed in defeat and began to lift himself off the mattress, not really expecting anything different.

"Jim?"

He froze- sure he had imagined it. He remained a statue, half crouching- waiting to see if he really heard something or not. Then he saw her, rummaging under the covers and poking her head out shyly.

"You don't have to leave." It sounded more like a question.

Jim sat softly back on the bed, almost afraid to startle her, moving slowly but obediently. He smiled encouragingly, pulling the covers off her face so he could take a look at her. She was thin, frail looking almost- with a shallow complexion but still Pam.

"You in there somewhere?" He played softly, his voice velvet. His hand had found its way to her hair, pulling it gently from the blanket that clung to her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Jim." She whispered, letting the blanket drop a little bit more. She reached out with her hand and took his, pulling it into her lap as she sat, legs crossed on the bed.

Jim shrugged his shoulders, confused. "Why are you sorry?" He asked, as he wrapped his palm around her calf- assessing it's size.

Pam shifted, causing Jim to focus back on her face. "I've been, well, you know how I've been." She said with an understanding shrug, "It's just that… he's the only man I've been with. The only other person I've really cared for. And it's hard to think that he's gone." She struggled with this, emotion making her voice catch as she tried to explain.

Jim nodded, feeling his chest tighten. He gripped her hand and cautiously pulled her and the covers into his chest, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her neck.

They stayed like that; her own face pressed against his chest as they clung to each other. He was leaving light kisses along her neck- starting at the soft slope of her shoulder to the little dip behind her jaw.

"I don't want him to be the only man I've been with." She said suddenly, muffled by the confines of his shirt. Jim's arms froze around her, his body instantly tensing.

"Pam," He started to interject, only to have her interrupt him. "Jim, please." She stopped him with a soft kiss- pushing her lips against his so he couldn't say anything more to stop her. She snaked her arms around his neck, pushing herself into his chest, begging for him to comply.

Jim could barely keep his hands from wandering- he was using every bit of restraint to not just give in and push her roughly to the bed. But he just didn't feel right about it; he was afraid it would be a mistake- that she'd regret it later. But he was so starved for her to come back to him; her mouth, her smell- her everything. He wanted to take away all the sorrow and pain that she felt. He just wasn't sure if this was the way.

Pam wanted to feel something. Anything. For the last few days she'd felt nothing but a dark emptiness- a void that she wanted desperately to be filled. She wanted Jim to fill the void and make her whole again.

She assaulted his mouth, parting his mouth his her tongue- feeling in delight as he complied and opened his mouth to meet her tongue with his. He tasted like beer and something savory; she wanted to swallow him whole. She shifted, unwrapping her legs and tugging him towards her, pulling him on top of her- securing her to the mattress. Jim kept his arms propped up on either side or her head, keeping his weight from crushing her delicate frame.

She pulled his face towards hers, breaking their kiss to plant kisses along his jaw line, moving up to the hallow of his ear. Jim's body was rigid with restraint- Pam could feel that, she didn't want him to hold back or be delicate with her. She wanted him to wash away all the fibers that Roy had ever left- she wanted him,

"Jim please." It was too close to a plea for him to hear. _Oh God, _his mind raced, staying a step ahead of his tormented body- being too close to her; even the smell of her was driving him mad. When her tongue slipped inside his ear her heard himself grunt in response. He knew he resolve was weakening.

"Pam, wait just a second," he pulled away from her lips, trying to regain control of the situation.

He gazed down at her, her face ashen and pleading. He toyed mindlessly with the hair fanning his mattress with his good hand, the other still supporting his weight, scared he would crush her. Her lips were red and parted, her eyes darker than he'd ever seen. It took him a minute to remember why he was resisting in the first place. He quickly looked down, not wanting to meet her eyes- feeling a flush creep up his neck. He knew the look of disappointment would meet him.

"I don't know Pam, I'm trying to do the right thing here." He felt himself stumble- for the second time turning her down.

When he looked up he wasn't met with disappointment: her eyes were glazed and her fingers reached up to catch his unmanageable hair in her fingers to gently roll between her finger and thumb. After a silent moment she cleared her throat.

"Jim-" she started, trying to find the words. "I know you're trying to do the right thing, and I appreciate that. I appreciate everything you've been through for me." Her fingers dropped the hair to trail delicately up the arm that was still encased in the white cast; circling her finger around the soft tissue of his palm.

"Right now I don't care about what's right or what's wrong. I almost lost you, Jim- I just need to feel you right now."

Her eyes burned through him, waiting for his response. She watched him chew lightly on the edge of his lip, thinking intently on his next move. After a moment he slowly moved his head back down to her face to softly trail his lips from her cheek down her neck to her shoulder, stopping to plant a feather light kiss on her shoulder. He never broke eye contact with her, waiting for her to pull away.

She could feel his warm breath on her skin- and she took his hesitance as her opportunity; snaking her hands under his shirt to feel the skin of his chest. He felt warm against her palms and she suddenly wanted to feel more of him, need to feel and taste every bit of him. She found his lips again, parting them quickly to find him hesitantly returning the kiss. _This wasn't the time to be timid,_ she thought, and deepened their kiss; sneaking her tongue into his mouth- this time feeling him respond- his resolve weakening.

She raked her hands up his back, feeling his hips push against her and she fisted his shirt in her hands, pulling it up over his head, breaking their kiss. She dropped it somewhere off the bed, as he worked his way down her body with his hands, grazing her breast with his fingers as he kissed her, finding the hem his sweatshirt she was wearing and pulling it up off her stomach.

He gently ran kisses in the wake his hands left, nipping at the point where her breast was, leaving a wet trail to her naked stomach. She groaned in response, her voice guttural and raw. She wrapped her fingers in his hair as he kissed her skin, making her writhe under him. In one, fluid motion he pulled her up to yank the sweatshirt completely off, revealing she was only clad in her underwear.

He discarded the clothing, quickly warming her with his like a blanket, his attention returning to the delicate skin of her neck, running his tongue down to nuzzle her as he ran his fingers through her hair. She could still feel him on guard, waiting for her to change her mind. The warm burn in her stomach told her that she didn't want to change her mind.

She raked her fingers down his back, leaving trails of fire in his skin in wake of their path. She heard his moan into her mouth, and she suddenly felt overheated; they both were wearing too many clothes.

As if on cue Jim extracted his fingers from her hair and trailed to the straps of her bra, gently pushing them off her shoulders, replacing them with his lips. He was going excruciatingly slow and she wasn't in the mood to draw things out. She took a hold of his jeans, quickly making work of his buttons and zippers and began pushing them off his hips.

Jim's face became serious again; his eyes darkened. "Are you sure?" He asked earnestly, looking for a sign of hesitation or a change of heart.

Pam regarded him and couldn't help but feel herself flutter. The intense look in his gaze made her throat momentarily dry as she struggled to find the right answer. She decided it was an easier answer than she thought it would be.

She nodded, almost shyly- her 'yes' barely audible. She cupped his face and kissed him, pushing the hair off his forehead and smiling. "I love you." She whispered into his forehead. She felt the warmth from his breath on her neck and his arms wrap around her.

She finished pushing his jeans off, him helping her by shifting his hips to kick the denim off at his feet so he only laid clad in his boxers. He gently put his weight back on her, almost shaking with anticipation. The feel of her skin against him, her hot breath and her beautiful eyes all asking this of him. He wanted so badly to be with her, but couldn't shake the feeling that he would be pushing her too far. But the way she looked at him- he knew this is what she wanted. Hell, it was what he wanted more than air at that moment.

With trembling fingers he reached around her back to unfasten the clip of her bra, struggling with the clasp and emitting a small chuckle from her. He grinned, and with success he finally felt the material slacken and he released her from the confines. He removed the bra and soundlessly let it slip to the floor.

He found her lips again and kissed her, this time with more urgency as he cupped one of her breasts; his thumb drawling small circles around her nipple, making her gasp into his mouth. She wrung her fingers back through his hair as he trailed his tongue down her chest to take one nipple into his mouth, sucking gently as she squirmed beneath him, wrapping one leg around his calf to draw him closer to her.

He pushed past her chest, making his way down her stomach to the hem of her underwear; kissing the soft material as he hooked his fingers under the elastic to pull them down agonizingly slow. Pam couldn't help but arch under his warm breath, feeling suddenly restless. There would be time for this later; now she just wanted to feel him. She propped herself up on her elbows as he sat up to pull the material down her slender legs and pulling them off completely.

She knew she should feel self-conscious; but she didn't. Being exposed and vulnerable made her want more desperately covered in Jim's skin. When Jim started to lean back over towards her stomach she stopped him, gripping him by the shoulders. He looked up at her, terrified that he'd pushed her too far- but she smiled, letting his anxiousness ease. His eyes were almost black with passion; she felt her stomach ache to feel him. She slowly slid her hands down his chest to his boxers, gently tugging them down. He watched as his eyes rolled slightly, before he closed them all together as she slid them off his hips to join the scattered discarded clothing that laid on the floor next to them.

She pulled him back towards her, watching fondly as he threw his comforter around them, sealing them in warmth. He was half panting, being so close to her that he could barely contain himself. He gazed down at her on the pillow, and kissed her forehead before nudging her knees apart with his as he slid into her.

It wasn't romantic or magical like he had envisioned; it wasn't about romance at that moment. It was about finding comfort in each other- making sure the other was still there, still with them. She felt incredible, fitting him so perfectly as he buried himself into her, breathing into her neck as he murmured sweet things into her skin. He almost lost it when she wrapped one leg around him and pushed him further into her. Her breathing was coming out in quick gasps, each one pushing him closer and closer to the finish line- egging him on.

Pam could feel her stomach drop as Jim's thrusts went from slow and deliberate to fast and wild; and she wanted to feel them let go. She couldn't believe how fulfilled she felt; the emptiness disappearing with each thrust. She felt like they were the only two people in the world at that moment; and she forgot about everything- Roy, Jim almost dying, their horrific ordeal they suffered. This was something that could just be theirs.

Jim was panting, his eyes squeezing shut as he felt himself come close; nudging her along with his thumb as she felt herself teetering close to the edge. When he started rubbing slow circles on her she felt herself tense. "Come with me Pam." He whispered into his ear and she fell- letting the feeling wash over her and the tension releasing. She heard him as he came close behind, his voice a ragged gasp.

That's when she lost it. She started crying- loud jagged gasps as she let the last month's awfulness wash off her as she let herself for the first time let everything out. She felt Jim wrapped his arms around her and cradle her head against his chest- letting her cry without even trying to hush her. He just laid there as she sobbed , soothing her hair and letting her cry until she was spent and fell asleep exhausted in his arms, listening to the sound of his heartbeat.


End file.
